Name:Dan Country:United States State:Illinois Metro:Chicago Birthday:10/7/1984 Gender:Male
Interests:playing video games, swimming, 0wning n00bz, making gay jokes, eating etc Expertise:?_?, eating, procrastinating, violin, Mario (super 1,2,3, party, 64, kart etc...)
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A couple months ago, my church took a spiritual health survey of the entire congregation, and recently reported the results to us during service. Amongst spiritual maturity data came basic demographic info, like how a large majority of the members were under 40 years old, and more importantly, how 46% of the church was already married. I suppose not a shocking figure in your standard small family church, but a brow-raising statistic for one populated almost entirely by young working professionals; let me explain...
When I moved here, one of my friends was teasing me about this article she read in Cosmopolitan magazine...excerpt posted as follows: "Oh greeaaaaat....", I thought at the time. After a couple weeks in the area said truths held themselves to be self-evident (e.g. Every time u see someone who piques ur interest, shift ur eyes slightly to her left or her right, and tada!!...ur checkin out her bf!!~~), and my new hometown was from then on affectionately known as, Man Jose. Google maps image before this revelation: Aaaand after my eyes were opened..... Anyhoo, back to church. So when the 46% of congregation married number was announced, i looked at my friend sitting next to me and witnessed the most crestfallen face i'd ever seen in my life. It was a facial expression that simultaneously conveyed a silent groan and a bloodcurdling wail of despair, and you could tell on the inside he was holding his face in his hands and weeping uncontrollably. I started giggling for a couple seconds, until it dawned on me that i was screwed too T_T O_O~!~!~!
Started thinking...hum.....
46% married means that 54% are not married.
From the above cosmo magazine data, about 75% of the silicon valley (tech center of the world) is male. From what i've seen in my company (Cisco Systems, also mentioned in the article), the demographic trends towards older and more experienced (and as a result, married - lettuce say half of the female population), thus the actual percentage of available single (in the not legally married sense) females in the area is around 10% (100% - 75% males - 15% married females) of the total population
Apply this awesome number (Man Jose Ratio) to the 54% unmarried population of the chuch, lo and behold, 5.4%!!!...nice mortgage rate, horrible dating prospects
Just because they are single does not mean they are available. As outlined in the anecdote above, generally, when you see anyone you could be interested in, her bf is but an arm's length away. So cut the available number in half again and you're left with 2.7%
Now you are finally left with actual, available choices! But, nobody, well, most people dont date everything in sight or the first person that shows interest in them. Not only does she have to meet your standards, but you have to meet hers as well. So, we'll generously assume that 40% of the remaining number are compatible and interested, and the final number, the total, dateable population of this bay area church is.... OMFG 1%~!~!!~
So i guess for the record, this post was written in jest...perhaps about 95% satire and maybe 5% despair...lawlz. But on that 5%...so i've become a fan of the show How I Met Your Mother. As the title suggests, it follows the adventures of a ronery new york bachelor in search of The One, but kinda tells the story in reverse. Anyways, a lot of my friends are also major fans of the show, and I think it goes beyond good writing and witty humor. There's a certain empathy that I randomly feel while watching the show...like a post-college/yuppie single in a big world with nobody to love, living out my own story of how i met your mother (if ever X_X). Of course this is not completely the case, as the main character is surrounded by great pals and hilarious adventures, which kinda parallels my life now. I value the friendships made and experiences had here quite deeply, but there still exists a longing for the unequivocal comfort and security that can only be provided by that other kind of relationship.
Growing up, my parents always said, no girls until you graduate college....lol, fail!! Nehoo, in college, when things were getting serious with my gf at the time, i got "the talk" from father: Dan dont go crazy with this relationship, take it slow, make sure you focus on your studies first. Once you get your degree, have a secure job, own a car and house, etc., you'll have no trouble finding someone. You're not hideous looking, and you're a U.S. citizen on top of that (kaka...thanks dad...X_X) I tell you the girls will be going after you~~ Wellp, here I am now. Graduated with an engineering degree from a Top 5 program in the nation, employed at the #6 company to work at in America, own my car, paying off student loans, 5 figure 401k and a bunch of other crap that shows i can provide a comfortable rest of life....but thats not happening....you lied to meh!~!~! Keke jk jk, much <3
Nehoo, I know im young and still new to the area and God's timing and all that jazz, so guess ill just see how it goes. Who will be the first?!?!? keke
Valentine's day in 2 weeks, what awethumb timing for this entry, kakaka...
Hi, After graduation, I moved to the bay area in march 2008. A disgusting 220lb blob; the result of just 1 semester of senioritis, workout demotivation because of perpetual crowds of slow noobs, and eating out almost every meal to hit up all mah fave eateries and chillax wif mah pals before leaving campus for good. But now I had a car, disposable income, real free time and true freedom after work, untainted by projects and homework. I didnt have any friends when i moved here so i just started working out a lot. Being a tragic fatass, it was really hard to do cardio at first, but i just kept pushing myself, knowing the end result was good for me. New year arrives, January 2009. Painful cardio, heavy lifting, and lifelong diet change have all helped shed 40lbs of blubber. Now i can wear much of my wardrobe without struggle or ripping (lol, X_X), habitually avoid eating out (or eating unhealthily in), and even my stool has improved, coming out smoother, effortlessly and cleanly! I still eat out (and unhealthy) a couple times a week with friends, but it doesnt change anything since im not on a diet, i've changed my lifestyle.
When I miss a day of workout, i feel incomplete....and make up scenarios like "omg imma get hella fat from missing my run today". QTs have been MIA for months now, and recently i've become more convicted about it. How can missing one day of working out create such remorse while lack of QT can go for weeks unnoticed ?_? Over the past 9 months ive toiled to reduce physical flabbiness, but unchecked, my spritual flabbiness has exploded to spiritual obesity of epic proportions.
Its not that im sinning uncontrollably, but rather ive just become lazy and complacent. But rather than wait around for some catastrophic wakeup call, i figure i should do something about this now. In college, my church was big on giving up things for Lent. I think I did that once and stopped. It seemed trivial to give up something random that didnt really have a negative effect on my life for 40 days, only to take it up again full force once Lent was over. After that year I started adding stuff like reading extra bible or more prayer time for those 40 days, and tried to keep it up after Lent, mostly successfully. This mentality has carried over to new years resolutions and such. The biggest issue is that almost nobody ever keeps theirs; most dont even remember them after a few months. Also, just like how you dont need a specific day of the year to show your mother or father or significant other that you appreciate them, there isnt only one time of year you can reflect on how things are going and how you can improve yourself.
Contradictorily, I choose this time to make said New Life's Resolution. Its been in my mind for some time now, but better to put it in writing, so that it gets done, kaka. Have you ever met someone who was the glowing embodiment of God? Something so different about them, somewhat reserved, yet full of life and warmth; truly salt and light. I think i've met 2, both girls, and dont know if my personality can ever be like that ~_~. Or akin to the radiant aura of a freshly engaged/pregnant and expecting woman. (I dont think i can be liek those either X_X) But that thatll be the goal (not just for this year, and not sure if/when it will be achieved, but will pray, kakak), luminous and impregnated with God's spirit, spreading peace and joy and all that jazz~~ Tangible ways to do this are of course entrenching self in the word, and regular non-awkward communication with God. Losing that 40 lbs of lard was hella hard work. Completely resculpting my spritual life and persona will be no cakewalk either X_X. Nehoo, starting to doze off, guess this bird's gonna fly~~~
Been epic biddy since last entry. Im a big boy now in the professional workplace...took ownership of a project all by my lonesome, so im learning legacy systems and procedures while at the same time developing things independently. Lots of help is available doh, and im utilizing team members like none other, so much thanks to them. I be fellin more of a community vibe nowadays, so the discomfort of starting all over again has dissipated a bunch, thank God. Lastly, the small group ive been helping lead is going pretty well. We had some stumbling blocks, but have some direction now and are gonna implement the new things next year. I didnt realize, its one thing to come into a church and serve through an already established ministry, but starting something new and having to figure out what works and what doesnt is a whole new bag of chips altogether -_- ~~~ Im thankful for the opportunity doh, much growth and experience ensued.
Onto the title of this entry. I went home over Thanksgiving break a few weeks ago and it was an awesome time. I guess with the deep funk id been in over the past few months, those 4 days were such a relief. Ive been away from home since sophomore year of hi skewl, so distance from family hasnt been a foreign concept to me for quite some time now. Yet with each passing month the homesickness grows. For many years now, every return home has always been met with dungeness crabs, outings like trailblazer games, dinners out for random occasions (or even simply caz i was there), and many other happy things. Oh and endless noob questions about computers and software...hehe but its more endearing than exasperating. But ignoring all that, I just realize that my parents cherish me, and day by day my appreciation grows as new signs of their love, past and present, become apparent. Father recently hurt his knee, and mother has had some minor health issues. Despite that, spirits are still high, and father even talks about the injury comically, but i am still epic sad. That and I think about their empty nest now, with brother being away at college T_T. Or maybe its just that time of month again...X_X!
Noah's father home alone while his son's away at war. Such joy at his return. I guess thats how it is when I go home, which is why it struck me so deeply. And now its time for the double entendre of this entry. In the movie, Noah's father sold his house so that Noah could buy his longtime desired dream mansion. My Heavenly Father not only provided me with loving family, good education, strong relationships, health, job, and a host of other countless blessings, but also sold his life so that I may truly live. After telling him the news, Noah asks "but where are you gonna live?" His father replies "with you, dummy~~" God gives overflowing and only desires to be a part of our lives, but its so damn easy to forget about it all and kick Him out. Ive been struggling to keep up quiet time habits lately, but at the same time have been realizing the extent of the Heavenly Father's love for me, and i guess its starting to motivate me, or at least make me feel really bad about not doing it...hehe X_X. I think this has been the main reason ive been fellin off lately, not just homesick for my earthly father (and mother), but a holy homesickness for the Heavenly Father.
Going home in a week. The busyness of work and church and random messing around will cease for 10 days. I do have to study for the CCNA exam i failed a couple weeks ago (stupid 3% off from passing, taking it again after break), but heres to good times with God and family. Having faith that He will bring me through and be there after these hard times. Lord,
Its been a while, some summer update pix: Biking in SF~~ Gilroy Garlic Festival~~ Lake Tahoe Epic Sunburn, soCarcinogenic™ Pink's Hot Dogs in LA, soCarcinogenic™, soFat™ X_X Some cousins moved to LA~~ Juno stylee hamburger phone and random pizza pen~! bob chinns, chicago burbzz keke UIUC pals chi-town reunion~~ playing downtowne wiph sawa kekek awww UIUC visit <3 O HAI!!! IM @ ur new IMPE, hangin wiph ur chriss...weak i never experienced a workout in dare dough Taystie last supper, kekeke~~
So it has been a fun summer, as you can see in the pix up thurr. That's what ive been up to. Lots of visiting of ole pals and meeting new ppls n stuff, but for some reason, something is still a bit off. From the pix i take and how i act u prolly wouldnt be able to see it, but people often hurt more than youd know and much more than they show. So wtfs my problem? I think this commercial explains it quite handily:
superKawaii™, yet heart wrenchingly true. Its not that people are unfriendly here or anything, in fact there are a few that i am getting to know quite more gooder, but yeah for those that know me well you know that I am one of those "special" kids. Weird, eclectic, an acquired taste. Farts and bodily functions are amusing conversation topics and conversation starters for me, for one thing. Even dough i am an engineer, im not soIncrediblyAwkward™ that i cant function in normal social situations. Anyways, I think i understand that it takes time to adjust and establish a completely new home base/comfort zone, but shewt, i am never imagined it would be this hard~~ (thats what she said)
The other component of this emptiness however, is the distance from God that has developed since I moved here. I feel a growing sense of disillusionment as I spend more and more time here. It is definitely more laid back and accepting here in the bay area, secularly, professionally, and religiously. It seems that one of the biggest problems people have with post-college Christianity is the lack of the hyper-charged super-intense spiritual environments of the days of yore. I wasnt always bought into those all night prayer/stay and pray til you feel God/uberCharismatic™ praise marathon type events, so I dont think im affected by the difference as much. What it did do though is make me wonder if all those things are real moments with God, or just manufactured transcendent moments of heightened spritual intensity ?_? Every religion has emotion...and if were a contest, the Baal worshippers who cut their bodies, or any mujahideen would trump most of us....but emotion alone is not what defines Christianity.
I really tried to stay away from making my relationship with God just a series of emotional highs and subsequent emotional lows. Thats why when asked about expectations for retreats or prayers or anything i usually didnt have any goals or whatnot. This summer has been very instructive as to what true faith is for me, and revealed many personal passions and goals. I guess as an aside, I also learned that I tend to give my heart away tooEasily™....stupid meh X_X, but at least it wasnt that bad or painful.
The final piece of this puzzle is that I am (with a few others) leading a small group for this year. Imma hab to plead the William Hung in that I've never been professionally learned...or even had unofficial opportunites to experience/do this in college...so its fixin to be a real trip. Something funny....i constantly have to fight the urge to say "AWKWARD" in a high pitched voice whenever theres more than 5 seconds of silence....lol -_-. Im still leading praise, but its no problem because i lobe it and i guess its my comfort zone of serving. After this summer (and pretty much all throughout my college Christian life), i feel veryInadequate™ and quiteUnworthty™ to be leading others, but yeah God used prostitutes and Christian stoners (ppl who threw stones at Christians, not a cannabisConsumer™) to do kewl beanz things, so falling into self-depreciating pits and thinking im tooSinful™ for God to use me is not an option. Being the youngest doesnt help either...but alas. Its way out of my comfort zone and all that jazz, but disunirregardlesslywise, leaps of faith and being called to serve and trusting God to provide what i lack is delicious humble pie.
So I guess thats all for now. superBiddy™ this week with CCNA (Cisco Certified Network Associate) bootcamp training 9-7pm every day; barely have time to do anything except sleep when i get home -_-. Last day is tomollo dough....den i get to skedjule the test X_X! Excited for the next few weeks/months dough....looking up and forward, to infinity and beyond~~
stay classy san francisco/jose
oh and you too in the state with da license to IL~~!
It was the best of church, it was the worst of church.....
So its been a bit over 4 months since I moved to Cali now. Lots of exposure to new things: environmentally, culturually, culinarily, spiritually. Lots of adjusting, adapting, self exploration, and discovery. I think now that I'm out of college, I'm forced to figure out my future, both spiritually through calling and secularly in my professional career. My job at Cisco has been provided for now, and I think I'll be hurr for a while until I figure out the next move. It feels like I've been in the area for a long time, but looking back I realize that it's only been 4 months. Its a hard knock life, not having my closest pals easily accessible anymore, but as a result i've had a lot of time alone to think and meditiate and all that fancy jazz.~~
I guess the prominent questions are: "Ok God, I survivied this far. I've been edumacated, prepared, and trained. What do you want me to do now ?_? How can I glorify you?_? What is your will?_?" I've concluded that this line of thinking is actually a pitfall of misconception in the way I was previously churched. By simply praying to "know God's will", I am subconsciously putting myself on the same level as Him, trying to equal His knowledge and comprehension. But I am a noob.. I guess its not exactly a sin, but pursuit of a relationship with God involves far more than knowing his exact plan for every moment and event in my life. I am also neither Sting nor The Police.
So how do I go about figuring out my calling then? I think the first revelation is to understand that no matter which choices I make, there is absolutely no way I can "mess up" His divine Plan, even if the consequences make it seem like I have. In the past, I have been pushed, or "recommended", to follow things that didn't jive with my understanding of God and the Bible. It created the awkwardness of conforming to the specific church culture and interpretations vs obeying Christ's objective truths. After leaving the college fellowship bubble, I noticed that Christian life on the outside is a lot less demanding/intense/strict. Or maybe its just the church that i chose ?_? Unirregardlesslywise, through observation and conversations with ppl I met hurr, what it comes down to is that in college, everything was hand fed to me: teachings, insights, goods and bads of church culture, and spiritual discipline. In the post-college Church, most of those things are still there, it's just that I have to seek them out myself; they aren't fed to or forced upon me anymore.
So since I moved here to Cali, I have been experiencing the God given gift of free will. For all the things we struggle with day to day, there isn't only one right answer or solution that will dispel the issue. The second revelation is that if God really wanted me to do something, He would have put it in the Bible. Everyone I've met here is older than me, with a majority of them being 25+. I guess they're at the life stage of getting married and having kidz and watching their friends get married n jazz, so relationships and etc. are a popular conversation topic. In the past, people have told me "you need to pray about it". In the context of girls, the response in my head was always, "wtf does that mean?_? what am i supposed to say?_? How to pray for it when I dont know who it is?_?" Until now i just struggled with those questions instead of "just praying about it ;)", but I think I have figured out something to do.
Wellp, I have not been praying specifically for someone, but instead focusing on myself and trying to understand my own divine construction and the characteristics and abilities that result from it. Comprehension of my strengths and weaknesses, passions and apathies, will allow me to better determine who I can match with. This also applies to myself in general; figuring out what makes my soul come alive, and finding ways I can do those things and glorify God through them. So I think that when praying about the future and life stage milestones, I should determine what skills and gifts I can apply to the issue, pray for insights on how to use them, and if I am lacking anything, look for and pray for ways to get it. Through this, I receive a small glimpse of the heart of God, and file the discovery in my life application memory bank. Just like a real relationship! Which is also what He desires from us!
A couple other random thoughts.
When an event happens and someone says "OH, that must have been a sign from God" or "God is showing/teaching/punishing/rewarding you through (said event)", it must be taken with a grain of salt. There are probably good intentions behind those deductions, but they are still human speculation at the core, and with impure motive are (un)conscious attempts at being God.
I need to keep my head straight through this self discovery shindig. I think there is risk of interpreting blessings as guidance, when it actually isnt the case. My own revelations on God's will could actually be Satan implanted thoughts. Sometimes i daydream or have delusions of grandeur, but when that happens i dont get caught up with them and mistake them as visions from God or whatnot. I'm still on a quest to figure out what piece I am in God's celestial chess game. Maybe its not as romantic as martyrdom or an epic heart harvest for Him, but disirregardlesslywise, there is a reason for me being here. I'll tell you later when I find out what it is =).
So am I just becoming spiritually jaded? Cynical? I dont know. The alone time has been great for reflection and realization, but it is still quite lonely. Stupid love-me heart motive X_X. Recent visits by good friends made my heart happy again doh. Anyways, I think I am on the right track in wanting to understand God and pursuing a relationship with him. It has been very different, much less intense than the church I knew just 6 months ago, but I think I've grown and matured quite a bit since. I guess by CFC standards, I might be struggling right now. Undisnonirregardlesslywise, through this time I've moved past the mentality of God as a vending machine and am now using Him as a guiding light. Now to see where the light takes meh!~
Next on the agenda: v2.0 , what am i made of? and/or God's Singles Bar
